Colors

(a one-act play)

Staging: Stage is split by two panels, absolute flat white to the left, absolute flat black to the right. Material is opaque when front lit, translucent when backlit. Furnishing is minimal: Black chair in front of black panel, white chair in front of white panel, upholstered if possible as if in a home. Stage is shallow. Behind stage, unseen when front lighted and raised several steps, is a four poster bed in profile.

Lighting: As necessary for needed effect.

Sound: Equipment to broadcast the pre-recorded thoughts of the actors in their own voices as they are interspersed throughout the dialog of the play.

CURTAIN OPENS TO DARKENED STAGE, ALAN STANDING MOTIONLESS STAGE LEFT, CONNIE STANDING MOTIONLESS STAGE RIGHT. PIN SPOT PICKS UP ALAN'S HEAD AND SHOULDERS. HE IS DRESSED ENTIRELY IN BLACK AGAINST THE WHITE BACKGROUND. BLACK SUIT, SHOES, SHIRT, TIE, CARRYING A BLACK TOPCOAT AND BRIEFCASE.

ALAN

This is a hell of a note.
(pauses)

ALAN
(continuing)
Here I am, thirty six years old and tired as hell of advertising.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
C'mon Alan, get on with it.

ALAN (CONTINUES)
(jerks his head toward the speakers)
You heard that. Yeah, that's what I sound like when I'm thinking. I think when I talk. We all do, only in this case you can hear me. You're the only ones who can. Our little secret. Anyway I quit today and now I've gotta spill it all to Connie and even though we've been married over eight years.
(pauses)

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Seven

ALAN (CONTINUES)
Yeah, whatever. But anyway, she's so needy, even after all these years she depends on me so much this is gonna be tough.
PINSPOT BLACKSSEPARATE PINSPOT PICKS UP CONNIE'S HEAD AND SHOULDERS, STAGE RIGHT. SHE IS DRESSED ENTIRELY IN WHITE BUSINESS ATTIRE; SLACKS, BLOUSE AND JACKET AGAINST THE BLACK BACKGROUND.

CONNIE
If you want to know the truth, I'm not all that sure I'm cut out for marriage.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
People seldom want the truth. Alan never wants the truth.

CONNIE (CONTINUES)
Um. Just a thought. Pay no attention.
(Looks around, somewhat conspiratorially)

CONNIE
(continuing)
But we've been married a while now. I'll tell you a while and it seems he just never grows up. I mean men are so needy, know what I mean?
PINSPOT BLACKS. PAUSE FOR ACTORS TO GET OFFSTAGE.
STAGE LIGHTS COME UP.

(Alan enters stage left. Hangs topcoat, sets down briefcase, looks around)

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Well, she'll have a drink ready, that's for sure.

ALAN
Connie! I'm home, babe.

CONNIE (O.S.)
Martini or scotch?

ALAN
Scotch I guess.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
It's always scotch. Why does she ask?
(Slumps into white chair, crosses legs. Connie enters stage right, carrying tray with martini pitcher, scotch decanter, two appropriate glasses. She is dressed entirely in white---business attire---slacks, blouse, jacket)

CONNIE
I was late getting home. Another dreadful client with another dreadful requirement at closing.
(She sets the tray on the table between them and stoops to give him a peremptory kiss, then drops into the other chair)

CONNIE
(continuing)
How was the world of advertising today?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Here we go. First the scotch, then the war stories

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
I wonder what it would be like to live in Wales? Somewhere on a misty hillside. Rough tweeds, quail shooting and a better brand of scotch.

ALAN
I quit today.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
He didn't say that. Please God, he didn't say that.

CONNIE
Excuse me? Quit what? The client? Smoking? Quit what, for God's sake?

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Landing gear down. Put all tray tables in the upright position.

ALAN
Quit the firm. Simple. Walked into Jefferson's office and quit.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I'm losing it. He's losing it. This isn't really happening.

CONNIE
Oh Alan. How could you do that without discussing it?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I'm going to kill him.

ALAN
We did discuss it.

CONNIE
In the abstract we discussed it. Alan, the abstract is the abstract, it's not the same thing at all. Good God, what on earth would lead you to just go ahead and jump off the cliff?

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Fly-fishing would be nice. I could probably learn to fly-fish in Wales. Get myself a Gillie, or whatever it is they call them.
(Rouses himself from the chair)

ALAN
(Paces a bit, stands over her as she slumps deeper into the chair, stretching legs, head back)
Sometimes you just have to do it, Con. I wasn't getting anywhere in the abstract, the abstract was just becoming my excuse for staying in the firm and hating myself a little more every day.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
There! Actually, I said that rather well. Put her on her guard, put the ball rather nicely in her court

CONNIE
Mother called. She wants us at Thanksgiving this year.
(Alan does a slight double-take, drops back into chair)

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Christ, sometimes she's fast at the net.

ALAN
What has that got to do with anything?

CONNIE
It occurred to me. Things occur to me. She called this afternoon at the office, just after I'd spilled coffee all over a closing document and just before the dreadful client.

ALAN
We have reservations to ski at Thanksgiving. Bob and Julie have made their plans as well and besides we're going there at Christmas.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
I need another drink.
(Reaches for bottle on table, pours another)

ALAN (CONTINUES)
Dammit, it's just not possible!

CONNIE (RESIGNEDLY)
They're going to the Bahamas for Christmas

ALAN
Connie, what the hell!

CONNIE
They're getting old, Alan. You know I can't deal with Mother.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Not old enough. They'll probably outlive us both.

ALAN
So Mother dear gets a whim and we're supposed to just cancel Bob and Julie, forget Aspen and sit down to some overdone turkey and smile as though nothing had been screwed up.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I'm halfway there. This is gonna work.

ALAN (CONTINUES)
You're changing subjects. We were discussing my quitting.

CONNIE
I'm not changing anything. I'm discussing the subject we're discussing and that's Thanksgiving.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Gotcha!

ALAN
All right then, we'll discuss it. We're not changing our plans with Bob and Julie.

CONNIE
That's not a discussion. That's an ultimatum.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Oh Christ! Divide and conquer. I'm being divided and she's conquering.

ALAN
(Gets up and stands over her)
Connie, I'm going to discuss this. First things first. Your parents asked us for Christmas and we agreed.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Though God knows why.

ALAN (CONTINUES)
Am I right?

CONNIE
Extenuating circumstances.

ALAN
Oh bullshit!

CONNIE
I love it when you do your barnyard metaphor. You'd have made such a cute cowboy.

ALAN
What's extenuating about going to the islands and entirely disregarding their daughter's plans?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Cancel the cute cowboy. Insert the pouting child. Close to home though, he's got a point.

CONNIE
Oh Alan, you're not concerned a bit about their daughter's plans, you're just upsetd you can't flirt with Julie in the mountains.

ALAN
Julie's fun to flirt with.

CONNIE
We can go at Christmas

ALAN
Christmas is crowded. Besides they probably have plans---probably having Christmas at Julie's parents.

CONNIE
Then spring. You like spring skiing.

ALAN
It's not the same.

CONNIE
It is the same.

ALAN
You're impossible. This is not a discussion, this is a backing into corners.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
But you're about to give in, aren't you Alan?

ALAN (CONTINUES)
I give up. But you gotta call Bob and Julie.
(collapses back into chair)

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Bingo!

CONNIE
Now what's all this about quitting. Is that in the thinking stage or have you gone off and blown everything up?

ALAN
Blown everything up.

CONNIE
Oh Alan! We should have talked.

ALAN
Discussed, you mean?

CONNIE
If you like. We solved Thanksgiving with discussion?

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Some discussion. Just put away the skis for the whole winter.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Men are such dears.

CONNIE (CONTINUES)
Tell me what you've done.

ALAN
Told Jefferson I quit.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Shook the old fart up a bit too, but it felt good, felt really good.

ALAN (CONTINUES)
Gave him notice as well, which is more than he deserves. Should have just walked out.

CONNIE
And?

ALAN
And what?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
He's being sneaky. There's always an and.

CONNIE
You know very well and what. And what now? And what are you going to do? And how do we pay bills on only my commission income?

ALAN
Charlie Watson's made me an offer

CONNIE
An offer? You quit Jefferson for an offer?

ALAN
Well, rather more than an offer.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I've never trusted Charlie Watson.

CONNIE
Alan, you're beating around the bush. Try to put a beginning and an end on good old Charlie Watson's offer.

ALAN
You've never trusted Charlie.

CONNIE
That's not true.

ALAN
You know it's true.

CONNIE
Alan!

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Here we go!

ALAN
He's offered me the London office. It comes with a company townhouse.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Oh my God.

CONNIE
London!

ALAN
You're beginning to discuss in exclamations. How can I discuss in exclamations?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
London might not be so bad.

CONNIE
London is impossible.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
She's thinking about it.

ALAN
Why? What's impossible about London? Lots of people work and live there. They tell me it's become quite a respectable city.

CONNIE
And what about me? What about the agency? What about my career?

ALAN
They even sell real estate in London. It's a new concept I know, but catching on I'm told.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
She's getting used to it. I'd look damned smart in tweeds by God.

CONNIE
So that's why you're pissed about Thanksgiving. You knew we wouldn't be here in the spring.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Aha! It's all over but the shouting.

ALAN
Nothing to do with it.

CONNIE
And Julie. A last chance to have a fling with Julie.

ALAN
Nothing to do with it.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Would be nice though. Can't say I haven't thought about it.

CONNIE
You've always had a thing about her.

ALAN
Julie?

CONNIE
Who're we talking about? Winston Churchill?

ALAN
You're switching subjects on me again in the middle of a discussion.

CONNIE
I'm not! I'm right on the subject and the subject at this moment is Julie.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
The conniving little bitch.

CONNIE (CONTINUES)
You think I haven't noticed.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Oh Lord

ALAN
Haven't noticed what, my love? There is hardly anything that escapes your notice. This conversation is an example of it. You notice everything and it takes you to flights of fancy. I don't give a tinker's damn about Julie. She is your friend and because she's married to Bob they have become our friends and she flirts. She loves to flirt and I flirt back, because it fills the interminable time we spend together. The ski trip is an example. You two cooked that one up.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Besides which, they're all lousy skiers.

CONNIE
Then why this cooked-up excuse to drag everyone off to London?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I really must call Mother and tell her it's all arranged.

ALAN
You see everything in black and white.

CONNIE
Everything is black and white. Either you go to London or you don't. Either you dump me for Julie or you don't. Either we ski or have Thanksgiving or go to bed or wash our ears or we don't.

ALAN
I can't believe this conversation is happening.

CONNIE
What?

ALAN
Did I say that? I thought I thought it.
(Connie rises slowly from her chair and begins to dance---a long, slow languorous dance, arms gracefully extended as if in a dream)

ALAN
(continuing)
What are you doing?

CONNIE
Doing? Why I'm dancing.
(whirls slowly)

CONNIE
(continuing)
You want to dance with me?
(Alan stares at her as if she had lost her mind, then scrunches down in his chair, legs extended)

CONNIE
(continuing)
You never dance with me anymore. I would like to go dancing. Will you take me dancing, Alan?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
This must be a dream. This is very like a dream. My husband comes home and tells me our life is changed, as if it were a comment about the traffic or what he had for lunch.
(continues her slow, dreamy dance)

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
(continuing)
I'm going to London, to watch the bridges falling down. To London to London, to ride a white horse---is that how it goes?

ALAN
Stop it.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Someone said 'stop it.' Stop what? And who would ask me to stop my dream? Where are the carriages? It seems there should be carriages if I am asked to stop.
(falls back into chair)

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
(continuing)
I am stopped. God knows how stopped I am.

ALAN
Do you want dinner?

CONNIE
Oh Alan, how thoughtful of you. No, I don't think I want any dinner, but you are terribly thoughtful and ever so gallant to ask.

ALAN
What do you want?

CONNIE
I want this to end. I want to go back to you coming in and my asking you if you want a drink.
(lifts her legs slowly, ankles together as a dancer---lowers them to the floor)

CONNIE ()
(continuing)
I want you to say 'scotch' because you always say scotch, but I ask you anyway, thinking someday there may be a surprise.
(lifts one leg, slowly lowers it)

CONNIE
(continuing)
Today there was a surprise. But it wasn't the scotch surprise. It was another surprise and I don't want that one.
(lifts both legs a foot off the ground, toes pointed, crosses and uncrosses the ankles)

CONNIE
(continuing)
I want the scotch surprise.
(all aspects of her body collapse)

ALAN
I'm sorry.

CONNIE
(sitting bolt upright in the chair)
What does that mean, you're sorry?
(explosively)
Does that mean you're sorry for throwing our life like a dead fish on the floor and then sipping your unfailingly unsurprising scotch?
(murderously)
Does that mean you're sorry for not taking the time to have children, because our careers were in high gear?---but it turned out to be only you're career and not our careers?

ALAN
That's not fair.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Oh it is fair. You poor dumb thing, if you only knew how fair it was.

CONNIE
(leans back in chair)
Tell me Alan about fairness.

ALAN
Not fair about Julie for one thing

CONNIE
Julie is just spit, Alan. A woman can't spit when she feels like spitting, so Julie is the equivalent of spit.

ALAN
Not a very kind characterization.

CONNIE
I'm not always kind. Is kindness what you want?

ALAN
It wouldn't hurt.
(silence between them for six seconds)

CONNIE
Then I will be kind. When you set our lives on fire I will merely go to the garage for more gasoline. I will stand by and watch you endlessly ask for scotch and never even consider a moment of red wine.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
How did we get to this?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
You brought us here, Alan. Oops---that's a direct reading of thought---musn't do that, musn't become clairvoyant.

ALAN
Life is discernable, Con. Life can be figured out, improved upon, shaped and honed and made more fine. For you, life seems an accident. Something that just happens and that's not the way life is. Life doesn't just happen.

CONNIE
Black and white.

ALAN
Maybe not, but close. Someone has to take it by a rope and lead it.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
That is such bullshit! Now I'm an old mare lost in the pasture and he's going to lead me to the barn and a nice soft stall full of hay.

CONNIE
Let me tell you about my day, Alan.
(gets up, pours a martini from the pitcher, stands with it in her hand)

CONNIE
(continuing)
First thing this morning, I come in all full of piss and vinegar and smiles, dressed to the nines and grab my messages. Leaf through them on the way to a cup of coffee and there, nestled among them, is a call from Fritz Weinrich. Know what the message is?

ALAN
Obviously not.

CONNIE
Obviously.
(sits back down, takes a long sip.)

CONNIE
(continuing)
The message is that he's backing out of the contract on the penthouse on 5th.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Why am I doing this? Why am I joining in this murderous little game?

CONNIE
(continuing)
Four and a half million dollars, Alan. The commission is two hundred seventy thousand. Our side is a hundred thirty-five thousand and my hunk is forty-five thousand bucks.

ALAN
I'm sorry. I didn't know.

CONNIE
Yeah.

ALAN
You didn't say anything. Just mumbled something about a difficult client or something.

CONNIE
Or something. Did I ask you about your day?

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Careful now, old man. This is dangerous ground.

ALAN
Yeah. Listen Connie, you're setting me up. I would have asked, but we got on to other things.

CONNIE
When was the last time you asked?

ALAN
I don't know. All the time, I ask all the time. What're you, keeping score?

CONNIE
You know how you ask, Alan?

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Oh Jesus, here it comes.

CONNIE
(continues)
You say it all in one sentence. "How was your day, Con? Mine was really shit" and then you launch into whoever the hell stiffed you for lunch. That's not an inquiry Alan, an inquiry expects a response, a question waits for an answer.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Number fifteen in the series 'what's wrong with Alan.'
(sinks back in chair, stretches legs full length)

CONNIE
(continues)
Don't do that to me.

ALAN
What?

CONNIE
Zone out. You're zoning out and I'm not going to let you, not this time.
(Alan straightens)

CONNIE
(continuing)
So I lost us thirty-five thousand bucks today. Thirty-five thousand that I'd already counted and spent on remodeling our eleventh century kitchen and bathroom. So, the eleventh century is back with us for God knows how long, my luncheon pitch on the Lincoln Park West deal cancelled, the only other deal I've got going right now and jerk-ass Jerry called me in like I'd just lost a fish he'd hooked. Moaned for an hour about the agency commission. I guess he'd spent it too.
(sips her martini)

CONNIE
(continuing)
So I had lunch by myself, trying to eat past the lump in my chest and not burst into tears. Back at the office, where I should have never gone, Mom called and I just didn't have anything left to fight with. Caved in and to hell with skiing. No kitchen, no bath, no twentieth century and I should have just gone to the museum or a movie, but I had to go back to the office. Do you understand that?

ALAN
Yeah. Look Con, I'm sorry . . .

CONNIE
Then you waltz in and tell me you've quit Jefferson and it's all suddenly too much, just too much.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Ughhh, now what? Now I'm sinking in her pond.
(stands, reaches out to her with both hands, she rises from the chair and they embrace)

ALAN
Let's go to dinner.

CONNIE
Dinner isn't what I need, Alan.

ALAN
Dinner never hurts.
(continues to hold her)

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Oh God, why does he always have a solution? Why won't he talk to me?

CONNIE
(pushes back from him)
Uh uh. We've got to do this, Alan. We've got to not walk away from this to some candlelit restaurant and then come home to make love. We've got to drink all the martinis and all the scotch in the house and then burn it down if we can't talk this through.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
No dinner. Dinner would make it easier.

ALAN
Okay.
(walks over and tops off scotch. They sit in one another's chair, her white on white, him black on black)

ALAN
(continuing)
Let's take it point by point.

CONNIE
Alan, do you love me?

ALAN
Of course. Why would you ask that?

CONNIE
I mean really love me.

ALAN
(pause)
Yes.

CONNIE
Well, if you really love me, we won't take it point by point.

ALAN
How will we take it?

CONNIE
Feeling by feeling.

ALAN
Okay . . .
(draws out the word)
How do you feel.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
It's so hard. So hard to be put on the blackboard like an equation.

CONNIE
I feel like an equation on your blackboard.

ALAN
C'mon.

CONNIE
No, I mean it. For you, everything is a mathematical solution and the only thing required is to find the, what is it they call it? Common denominator.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
We've been here before. This is just like a trip to Spain when I've already been to Spain. An argument about the language, but it's still Spanish and she's better at it than I am.

ALAN
You're getting semantic on me.

CONNIE
I have to. There's no color in equations.

ALAN
But they're always solvable. Don't you see? You can't solve a painting, there's nothing there to solve. If we're going to get anywhere, it's pointless to argue about color and brush strokes and what the artist had in mind. It's not solvable.

CONNIE
But life is color and brush strokes.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I'm gonna scream. He just can't see it.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
(leans forward, chin on his steepled fingers)
How do women think? How do they ever accomplish anything?

ALAN
Con, if the Park Avenue deal went up in smoke, there's things to do about it, right?

CONNIE
I don't know.

ALAN
I mean the lawyers get involved or they don't. The offer is enforceable or it's not. There are damages or there aren't. It gets walked away from or it doesn't. Simple as that. And then we get on with it.

CONNIE
But that isn't what it feels like.

ALAN
But that's what it is.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
How do I argue with this? Why doesn't he see it?

CONNIE
Alan, what do you do when you go to lunch and you can't swallow?

ALAN
Never happens.

CONNIE
Never?

ALAN
Almost never. I outline alternatives on the napkin and it goes away.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Why doesn't she see it? It's so logical.

CONNIE
And what's happening to you now?

ALAN
Now? What do you mean, now?

CONNIE
I mean what do you feel now? This minute.

ALAN
I don't know. Frustrated, I guess.

CONNIE
I feel lost. Feel like a child who has lost a best friend and comes home to be told 'get over it,' friends come and go.

ALAN
But they do.

CONNIE
Not mine. Not ever.

ALAN
And this from a lady who just compared her best friend to spit.

CONNIE
That's anger. Anger more with you than her, but she's a friend. She may be a good or bad friend, but she stays.
(pause)
And that leaves you. I ask how you feel, try to get some understanding of blood running and thoughts wheeling through your head and you shift it to me. Make me talk about me again.
(pause)
Typical.
(points a finger toward the ceiling and traces long wavy lines, idling)

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I forgot to pick up the laundry. Gotta do that first thing tomorrow.

ALAN
Alright. You want feelings, I've got a bunch, but they're jumbled. I talk, you throw curves at me. Makes me crazy. I tell you I've quit Jefferson and his sweatshop, you accuse me of an affair with Julie.

CONNIE
(interrupting)
I didn't say 'affair.'

ALAN
Same as---makes me angry. I try to discuss something and you dance. How am I supposed to feel? Crosses my mind that while I'm unloading, you're thinking about the laundry.

CONNIE
(sits bolt upright)
What made you say that?

ALAN
I don't know. Just feelings I get sometimes when you zone out. Makes me want to shake you. So, whatta we got? I feel crazy, angry and ignored. That feelings enough for you?

CONNIE

It's a start.

ALAN
Alright. Don't dance, don't throw meaningless curves at me and don't for God's sake think about trivialities while I'm talking for a change.
(stands, paces)
Maybe we can get somewhere with this.
(takes his coat off, hangs it, loosens his tie)
Jefferson's been killing me slowly for three years now. I'm carrying the accounts and he's having lunch. I'm pleading with our creative people to hang in there and he's terrorizing them.
(paces)
Three or four of us are holding the whole thing together and he's talking about a corporate plane, for Christ sake. The headaches are becoming unbearable and in the middle of that, you throw Julie at me.

CONNIE
What headaches? You mean company stuff?

ALAN
I mean migraines. I've been having them for six months now. Left side of my head. They knock me to my knees. Tears stream from my left eye. Been coming two and three times a day.

CONNIE
I didn't know.

ALAN
Of course you didn't know. No one knows. I get out when they come, go to another room or the bathroom. They're beginning to think I'm nuts---leaving meetings unexpectedly, coming back red-eyed. It's all unravelling.

CONNIE
What are you doing about them?

ALAN
I had a brain scan last month. Thought it was a tumor. Thought I was dying.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
This is something I'll wake up from. This isn't happening. Where have I been all this time?

CONNIE
You never said anything.

ALAN
Of course I never said anything, Con. We never say anything anymore. We drink and go out for dinner and watch the news and go to bed, but we never say anything worth saying.
(falls heavily into chair)
Seems like we used to, but we don't anymore.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Oh, God. I'm losing it. He's getting ready to leave me.

ALAN
(continuing)
I don't know if it's even worth it.

CONNIE
It has to be.

ALAN
No it doesn't. That's one of the myths of life, that it has to be worth it. Nothing has to be worth anything. We make it worth it or we don't, but no one makes it worth it for us.

CONNIE
That sounds suicidal.

ALAN
I've thought of it.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Oh, God.

ALAN
(continuing)
I don't anymore. That was just when I thought I had a brain tumor. I don't have the courage to fight that.

CONNIE
You have to have the courage.

ALAN
No I don't. That's another myth, having to have courage.
(pauses)
You know all those people who survived the Holocaust? I wouldn't have been one of them. I'd have been among the first to cash in. I admire them, admire all those survivors, but I am not one of them. It wouldn't have been worth it. I'd have never made it.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I don't know him. This isn't the Alan I know.

CONNIE
What do the doctors say?

ALAN
They say it's probably stress, but they don't know. Get rid of the stress, maybe the headaches stop.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
This doesn't sound like me. This sounds like someone else talking about me.

ALAN
(continuing)
But they don't know. Another myth. Another sense of solution to things that aren't always soluble.
(pauses)
So like us. We are a society of solutions. Ring around the collar solved. Every ache and pain solved.
(pauses)
We just can't stand not being solved and it's mostly my profession, those ever-loving advertisers who have made us that way.
(laughs)
A victim of my own life work. Shot in the foot by my own gun.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Another shoe is going to drop. I know something else is going to happen. Maybe we're over. Is that possible?

ALAN
(continues)
You thinking about laundry again?

CONNIE
No.
(pauses)
I'm thinking about shoes.
(pauses)
Shoes that drop. Is there another shoe to drop, Alan? Are we in trouble? Are we coming apart?

ALAN
I don't know. I'm not sure I've thought about it.

CONNIE
But you're not sure you haven't.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
What is that? What is all that stuff about tweeds and fly fishing in Wales? Is Connie there? Have I thought about it?

ALAN
No, I'm not sure.

CONNIE
We always mentored each other. We used to laugh about it, used to sit up and fire our imaginations, used to always ask the other guy "why not?"

ALAN
Why not indeed?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
And that sound is the sound of a shoe dropping.

ALAN (CONTINUES)
Why not London, Connie? Why not get the hell out of here, leave Bob and Julie, your parents and mine, sell this place for whatever we can get and take up Charlie's offer? Get back to mentoring. Get back to where we were before there's no us anymore.

CONNIE
Will that save us?

ALAN
We don't need saving, Connie. We love each other.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Oh God, maybe the shoe hasn't dropped.

CONNIE
I don't know, Alan. I'm afraid.

ALAN
So am I.
(pauses)
You know, when I was five I wanted to marry my mother. I was sure that a lifetime of my small mittened hand in hers would be bliss, that I'd never grow up, be happy forever. But life doesn't leave us at five and before long I wanted to be a cowboy and then a pilot and then something else.
(pauses again)
I still want to be something else at thirty-six and it makes me afraid.

CONNIE
Are you afraid in colors Alan, or in black and white and lists?

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
Please say colors. I need to hear colors.

ALAN
Would you settle for outlines in black and white, filled in with colors?

CONNIE
I'd settle.

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
Am I that needy, to beg her with abstraction?

ALAN
Well I need that. I need to be mentored, Con and to begin to mentor you once more.
(pauses)
That's where we came from. That's who we are.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
I'm dancing again. The dance has begun.

ALAN (CONTINUES)
What do you think

CONNIE
I think yes.

ALAN
Do you want dinner?

CONNIE
I want to go to bed with you.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
The dance.
(They both stand, embrace for a long moment, then exit left and right stage)
As they pass to stage rear, the front lights go down and the back lights up, so that everything is seen in silhouette. Each climbs the three steps to the platform upon which the four poster bed resides and begins to undress. Body stockings prevent nakedness, but the illusion is there. They embrace again, tenderly yet slightly apart, her hands at his waist, his at her shoulders.

CONNIE
And what about London?

ALAN
Your call.

CONNIE
I say yes.

ALAN
And skiing?

CONNIE
Do they ski in London?

ALAN
And children?

CONNIE
London is full of children. Little rascal children and very proper children.

ALAN
Our children.

CONNIE
I would like that.

CONNIE (CONNIE'S THOUGHT)
This is the man I married and this is the bed I married him in.

ALAN
I would too. In mittens?

ALAN (ALAN'S THOUGHT)
This is the place we come to solve ourselves.

CONNIE
Mittens in all the colors we can conceive.

CURTAIN