September, 1998

A computer manufacturer fessed up in my paper just the other day that they would 'break even' and were disappointed that a $5.7 billion quarter would leave nothing but a bone in the cupboard. Wall Street wasn't very happy either and by jingoes, it's hard to blame them. I'll bet the board of directors wasn't enjoying the catered lunch very much.

Well gosh, that's about $440 million a week. At a 40 hour week it's not as easy as it once was to make a profit when you're only doing ten million an hour in sales. Gotta get after those guys with the shined shoes and tell 'em the facts. Tell 'em the top brass wants 12 mil an hour or there's gonna be hell to pay with the expense accounts.

But it's hard out there in the business world. You have to factor in the International dynamics and pay attention to the fundamentals.

I was having a beer last Tuesday with a friend of mine who operates 'Freddie's Grass World.' It's a lawn mowing service and did a bit better than computers last quarter. But even Freddie was glum.

"It's not like it was in the good old days," he told me. "Those were the salad days before the Asian crisis hit, when all the Japanese gardeners cleared out and had gone home to work at Honda. The sky was the limit for anyone with a smile on his face and a leaf-blower." Freddie swiveled sideways on the barstool, revealing the merest hint of the entrepreneurial love-handles he had sported a year ago.

"Last year I had the two trucks and three guys on each rig. They could each whack three or four lawns a day, six days a week. I had the old lady answering the phone and spent most of my time on the bass boat." He sighed and his eyes misted. "Biggest decision I had to make was a Rappala or a hula-skirted Bass Oreno. I was doin' fifty thousand bucks a quarter and takin' home twenty-five."

"Then how come I'm buyin' the beer?" I asked.

"Ah Jamie, it ain't like it was. My bank's afraid that 'signature only' loan they made to Suharto might have gone south. He's not answering their phone calls. So they want the second pickup truck paid off and turned down my business plan for next year."

"Business plan?"

"Yeah, I was gonna have the old lady drive the second truck and get her a cell phone. Be good for her waistline. I figgered to just keep fishin' an' let my Microsoft stock take care of the future. The old lady says we're losin' a little on every lawn now, but I planned to make it up on volume, if only the bank would loosen up. My fundamentals are good."

"Fundamentals?"

"Yeah, you know. Like the old lady, she ain't goin' anywhere, she's fundamental. And the accounts. They ain't payin' their bills all that well, in fact most of 'em are six months behind or more. But they're still on the books. That's fundamental. Same with the guys, when they're sober they mostly come to work, that's another fundamental." He grinned, but it was like a grin from a face delirious with fever.

"I picked that up from the stock market. Every time it climbs or drops a thousand points and investors get nervous, the guys in the know point out the fundamentals."

"Like that computer company? But they lost money on a multi-billion dollar quarter."

"Yeah but Jamie, their fundamentals are fine. The share-price is up 40% in the last year."

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