July, 2005

I really thought it was pretty much impossible to under-dress for a meal at McDonalds, but that will soon enough not be the case.

I say it’s about time for America to get its sartorial act together and what better place to start than Big Mac land? If culture can’t filter from the top down, then let’s kick some butt from the bottom up.

It’s such a marketing breakthrough. As the airlines go broke, Christian Dior, Kate Spade and Stan Herman (whose name sounds like an amalgam of Stan Getz and Woody Herman) are determined to make them look good while they go down the tubes. Keep 'em lookin' snappy as they slide out from under their pension obligations.

Once upon a time in a land called ‘lost-America,’ the elite set the dress code and we regular common folks tried as best we could to keep up with them. If the boss had a dozen suits, we at least had one and wore it, shiny pants and all. Look at any 40’s photo and the streets are awash in men’s hats and no woman other than the Duchess of Windsor (or Kate Hepburn) dared wear slacks in public.

The Duchess and Kate are both gone and we are a deconstructed society today. Steven Spielberg, perhaps America’s foremost success story, looks like a homeless man, while Bill Gates wouldn’t be caught in a necktie even at Davos. Perhaps particularly at Davos.

“In olden days a glimpse of stocking was looked on as something shocking, now heaven knows, anything goes.” Cole Porter knew how to write timeless lyrics.

And McDonalds has had enough. Clearly, this disrespect for hamburgering has got to stop.

They haven’t yet decided who’s going to get the nod to help parade their counter-help down the runway, but the die is cast and I’m all for it. A McSpokesman said they expect the duds will be so cool that employees will want to wear them after work; perhaps be so inspiring that kids will flock to the low-paying entry-level jobs just for the threads.

So, check yourself out before ordering that Big Mac and fries. You sure wouldn’t want to show up under-dressed for the event.

Can tuxedos at Wal-Mart be far behind?

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