February, 2005

There must be a lot of money in it, because we are endlessly studying things, from whether or not the globe is getting warmer to if chewing gum is related to the use of ‘like’ in conversation.

And now we are embarking upon a study of cell phone use by drivers, in an effort to find a cause-and-effect relationship between dropping your cell phone under the seat and piling into the rear of school buses.

Well, c’mon folks!

If I had my way, cell phone use would be restricted to small, red-painted booths, scattered intermittently along urban streets. Use would be prohibited in the country because, like early automobiles, they frighten the horses. Breaking this law would be punishable by 22 years in prison (for first offenders).

But do we really need to study the safety factors of cell phone use while driving? Who among us hasn’t witnessed, or been the victim of, some idiot in the thrall of a call. Ditto those shaving or applying eye-shadow while driving and, these days, it’s likely to be the same driver. But unlike drinking hot coffee or mastering the details of one’s toilette, there is a safe and reliable way to carry on a cell phone conversation while driving. It’s called “hands free” and comes in a number of configurations. Along with a speed-dialer and as long as the windows are rolled up, one needn’t frighten livestock or cause severe bodily injury to others.

It oughta be the law and doesn’t need a study.

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