August, 2001

Yeah I know, that balloon has been floated before and drifts around kind of like the thought of Madeleine Albright replacing Vaclav Havel. But hang in there a moment, I'm serious about this.

It's a fact that Bush the Younger isn't the most popular of presidents and some folks even speculate so far as to venture that he may not be the brightest. But he has his defenders, nary a doubt. The problem for those who choke over the thought of a Dubya second term is that someone must be found appealing enough to dislodge a sitting president and that's not going to be Al Gore, whiskered or clean shaven. Never at his best whining, Al can hardly come off in a second bid as much else and when he's most effective he's mean and no one likes meanness. We'll tolerate incompetence, but mean is out. Thus the crucial problem is how to replace Al and when one scans the charisma of available Democrats it's enough to cheer the most pessimistic Republican. Ain't no one there.

Enter Oprah. Ms. Winfrey has manifold qualifications that (while not specifically required of candidates for president) make pale by comparison a single term as governor of Texas. She is extremely bright and very smart, which are not exactly the same things. Her presence before a camera can hardly be denied and that's huge in a campaign. Ronald Reagan won twice with hardly another asset. She is comfortable in the presence of bigshots, knows nearly everyone worth knowing in the free world, is mentally fast on her feet and known (as well as anyone can be known from the tube) by more Americans than was Johnny Carson. That's a lot of folks. They trust her as well and that's not a long suit for politicians.

So, what are her shortcomings? (Wait a minute, I'm trying to think). Well? (Okay, I can't think of any, maybe you can). She doesn't have any political experience. What could possibly be more political than success in show business? Oh, you mean political experience. Yeah I know, but we're asking for shortcomings and that's an asset. Besides, name me one congressman or senator who doesn't know her name, what she looks like and wouldn't kill to be on her show. Admittedly, it would be a huge comedown to go from The Oprah Winfrey Show to the mere Presidency, but in one move we'd get our first black president as well as our first woman in that office. Would you trust her more than Bush the Younger or Gore the Loser to make decisions regarding national defense, environmental standards, social security, medical care and education? I would. How about dealing with Putin, Sharon, Arafat and Bill Gates? Yeah, me too. And the really delicious part of it is that we don't have to rely on those crusty old smoke-filled political back rooms to get her there as a candidate. Oprah would walk away with the Democratic primaries.

Who hasn't asked themselves a gazillion times "Is this the best we can do in this whole great country?" when faced with candidates for the presidency. My Uncle Mort is more honest and candidates for smarter and more trustworthy can be found in any neighborhood. But electable? Hardly. Oprah is electable.

There you have it!

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