March 20, 2006

It says something about our national priorities that we’re cultivated and even celebrated a culture of greed, while narrowing our eyes to pinpoints over lust.

We are at one time a nation that demands a fine for CBS having (however briefly) exposed Janet Jackson’s breast during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show and the world’s largest consumer of pornography.

Say what you like about the Janet flap, but pornographic it was not.

Whatever definitions they have over at the Federal Communications Commission, the dictionary says ‘pornography’ is ‘creative activity (writing or pictures or films etc.) of no literary or artistic value other than to stimulate sexual desire.’ Left entirely to others in FCC-land, is what in the world is wrong with that?

The United States Senate Select Committee on Ethics lists an address and telephone number its web page, but makes no suggestions about how to complain concerning ethical lapses among the honorable 100. Ditto the House of Representatives.

If you think Jack Abramoff’s collusion with elected officials and their staffs, had ‘no legislative value other than to stimulate rapacious financial desire,’ you’re snookered when looking for a venue to register your complaint.

The FCC, on the other hand, should you Google ‘FCC complaint,’ provides a cornucopia of ready access. Teams of willing eyes and ears bent in the direction of your call, letter, e-mail, snail-mail or pony express complaints. One presumes (but the FCC does not guarantee) these rapid-response teams are not handling your complaint from India.

Using complaint as criteria for how seriously we compare naked breasts and naked greed, Republican FCC Chairman Kevin J. Martin claims hundreds of thousands complain about material of a sexual or excretory nature on television. Nasty business, that having sex or taking a dump.

Hundreds of thousands are against it. Possibly millions, but only hundreds of thousands are literate enough to fill out the FCC form.

The naked greed side of the equation remains X. As you will remember from high school algebra, X is an unknown. But it seems we are less than ten. Six or eight editorial columnists, myself and Eliot Spitzer.

That the greed factor within our elected government has us sailing over the cliff of financial disaster, institutional breakdown and international bankruptcy, is of little interest. I understand that.

• Financial disaster is complex. You always knew in your heart of hearts that your no-good brother-in-law would go broke. He has, and he’s taken ten thousand of your savings with him. Your wife no longer talks to either of you, which seems a bit harsh, but the government will have to muddle through without your personal intervention.
• Institutional breakdown is nothing more than a couple of reasonably complicated words that, when combined, become entirely opaque. Institutions are complex as well and, when they breakdown, no one better look your way to sweep up the nuts and bolts.
• International bankruptcy wouldn’t happen to us if we stayed the hell home like we should and didn’t loan every Tom, Dick and Harry our money. Or is it the other way around, I forget?

But Janet Jackson is understandable. Actually, if you recall that far back, you’d gone to take a quick whiz (a prohibited, but entirely private excretory event) and missed the briefly exposed breast.

But thank god and re-runs, like the Columbia space shuttle disaster, Janet’s breast just kept being replayed and replayed and replayed. So, what 99% of the world missed was (because of our weird love-hate relationships to breasts) brought front and center and got CBS whacked with a $550,000 fine.

Eliot Spitzer (and I) think that Dick Grasso getting $139 million in severance pay for being canned at the New York Stock Exchange is pornographic.

But hey, that’s just us.

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